Changing My Mindset From Shit

I used to think all the shit that happened in the past and the present was bad luck, bullshit, and unfair. For me, That’s not the case anymore.

I’ve realized that all of the so called “ bad shit “ that happened to me all throughout my life were blessings in disguises so to speak.

The dysfunctional family, sexual abuse, alcoholism, Drug abuse, Suicides, deaths, Financial downfalls, corruption, Desertion, Watching lives being destroyed and probably causing the same. the list just goes on and on…..

The sleepless nights of your mind just turning and turning, Never stopping to focus on one thing. just focused on the Darkness that surrounds all of the thoughts as a whole. Screaming in silence, lost, alone, confused, stuck, worrying, struggling, hopeless, wishing and again, the list goes on and on. the whole time, looking for something that you really didn’t even know what it was.

With all of this, still trying to be the most genuine and caring person I could be. Hiding my true feelings and reality of my life behind a mask of humor, empathy and love.

I have learned that all of the emotional torture, struggles, pains, situations, etc, were not brought to me for me to dwell on or to live by. They were there for me to use. They have built me to be one resilient and emotionally strong mother fucker to tackle what my life brings.

All that shit has / is building me into the person I need to be to reach my full capacity of being able to handle the bad but also to handle the good. All the “Good” can be just as bad if not worse than what we consider shit, if you can’t handle what you receive.

I just had to understand that my past was only there to build me to build my future, not cripple it. My life to this very day has taught me and continues to teach me who I am. That is one thing that can never be taken from me and I love it.

Now I see the bad shit as gifts. I know that the shit is happening or will happen is because I need it to get to the next level.

Another realization, I Get everything I pray for. “ Ask and you shall receive ” is 100% true… It just might not be on your time frame, terms or how you expect to get it and that’s the damn truth.

You can’t just expect to get something without putting in the work. That’s not just the case in a physical aspect. If you do expect that, you have a long ass road ahead of you.

final thoughts? Lets fucking get it because I won’t be stopped. I have been through too much shit now to stop. Why Turn around and go back through all the shit? Not only do you have to relive it, but now you have to do it with even less self respect and KNOWING you failed. You can’t fail if you don’t quit.

Fuck all of that, give me all of the shit and i’ll eat it with a smile on my face…. Just might need some breathe mints afterwards.